Member-only story
Thanks for Flying Tightwad Airlines!
Welcome aboard — Which in-flight services can you afford?
Tightwad appreciates your help in keeping us from bankruptcy by paying extra to sit in an aisle seat or to actually travel with luggage.
While waiting to board your flight today, please study this menu of choices we’ve added to fine-tune your flying experience. Select from the following options and return your completed form to the gate agent.
The resulting fees will be charged to your credit card.
SEATING OPTIONS
For a seat that isn’t near a howling baby. $10
For a seat that isn’t beside a dude who hasn’t showered in weeks. $20
For a seat that isn‘t next to a person going through a devastating divorce who needs a shoulder to cry on. $50
For a seat that isn’t crawling with bed bugs. $100
FOOD SERVICE
We will be serving thin gruel and recycled water during today’s eight-hour flight.
For an upgrade to a carcinogenic lunch meat wrap. $5
For an upgrade to a lukewarm vegan pizza. $10
For permission to cook and eat a fellow passenger. $35
