The Attack of the Nocturnal Revenge Spiders!

The Life-Altering Magic of Putting a Great Curse on Somebody Who Is Really Pissing You Off

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Photo by Егор Камелев on Unsplash

I just read a terrific rant in which writer Jackie Dana says, about a person whose offensive parking lot behavior has really pissed her off:

I hope spiders eat their eyeballs while they sleep.

Now that’s an impressively creative curse.

And so satisfying to imagine happening to somebody who has infuriated you!

It’s also oddly similar to my own go-to curse when somebody has me fuming, which is to hope that a poisonous spider creeps into their ear the next time they fall asleep.

Going forward, it’s clear that I’m going to have to combine the these two spider-related curses. The next person who really annoys me? I plan to wish upon them a pair of Nocturnal Revenge Spiders — one to nibble on their eyeballs and the other to creep into their ear.

This is such a satisfying Revenge Curse that I almost can’t wait for somebody to do something awful to me so I can unleash it!

While waiting for that to happen, I decided to ask a few of my friends for their own favorite Revenge Curses. They came up with some good ones:

I hope you choke on a marble.

I hope you step on a Lego.

May all your days be Mondays.

I hope the labels fall off of all of your canned goods at the same time, BITCH

I hope your favorite book gets made into a terrible movie.

May you adopt an ungrateful cat.

All good — but I’m sticking with my spider team.

Unless you’ve got something better. If you do? I invite you to share it as a Response to this post.

Extra Bonus points if it’s spider-related!

(If you enjoyed this post by Roz Warren, you might enjoy this one too.)

Written by

Writing Coach/Medium Sherpa Roz Warren( ( writes for everyone from the New York Times to the Funny Times.

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