The Ultimate, Definitive Poem about Parking Lot Etiquette
Consult This After Some Jerk Has Left An Angry Note On Your Windshield Complaining About The Fact That He Can’t Open The Door To His Gigantic SUV Because You’ve Parked Too Close To It
Here’s the poem:
Have you parked between the lines?
Then you’re fine.
Here’s the backstory:
A member of a Facebook group I belong to recently posted:
The parking in my complex really sucks. The spots are super tiny. When I parked last night, it was a tight fit. I was within the lines but I knew the owner of the car to my right might have a struggle getting into their car. I did make sure they could get in through the passenger door if they had to. But when I returned to my car the next morning, I found this note:
I couldn’t get into my car! If you don’t fit, don’t park next to someone.
She told us that she felt terrible about this incident and asked:
Am I being too sensitive? I mean, I was definitely in the lines. So were they. The spots are just tiny.
She quickly received 47 responses. All supportive. Many from folks who included Asshole Parking Anecdotes of their own. And all assuring her that she had nothing to feel guilty about. A few examples:
Well they COULD into their car because they were gone when you got there.
Passive-aggressive notes say a lot more about the writer than the recipient.
Unless you parked sideways you’re good.
Van owner has some displaced anger. Burn the note and move on.
But my own favorite response was this one from Samma Johnson:
My nearest metro has an entire Facebook page dedicated to Asshole Parking. Don’t take it to heart…. If you were between the lines: you were fine.
Why was this one my favorite? Because I’m a writer, I realized that the last two lines were a poem.
I asked for and received Samma’s permission to publish this Parking Poem on Medium. (Naturally, I promised to share all of the money I made from its publication.) (Which will probably amount to about 47 cents.) (Definitely under a dollar.)
And voila! Today’s Medium post!
The takeaway for you as a writer?
There is poetry everywhere! When the universe hands you a poem? Thank the universe and publish it on Medium.
The takeaway for you as a parker?
There are assholes everywhere! When one of them leaves an irate poem on your windshield? Just recite Samma’s Parking Poem to yourself a few times like a mantra — Have you parked between the lines? Then you’re fine — and move on.
Or? You could start taking the bus.