Member-only story
This is Poop Patrol!
The Few. The Proud. The Turd-Obsessed
Sherry and I stand on the sidewalk on a sunny morning, watching her dog take a dump. She’s new to the neighborhood and we’ve just introduced ourselves. The dog, a handsome poodle, does the deed efficiently.
“See you later, Gloria!“ Sherry says cheerfully, walking away.
“Hey — you’re supposed to pick that up!” I call after her.
She turns around. “Sorry!” She shrugs. “I forgot to bring a bag.”
“Then I’ll need your full name, address and phone number.”
“What on earth for?”
“To give to the person whose lawn your dog just soiled, in case she wants to complain to the township.”
“C’mon, lighten up!” she says. “It’s not the end of the world.”
“But it’s the end of a nice clean lawn for that homeowner. Why not go home and get a poop bag?“
“I’m running late.” she whines.
“It’s never too late for common courtesy.”
“Who appointed you queen of the world?” she snaps, stalking away.
“I did, girlfriend!” I shout, running to catch up with her. “And this is Poop Patrol!”
