You Know You’re a Senior When You Own Dozens of Pairs of Reading Glasses

And You Can’t Find Any of Them

Photo by Zhuo Cheng you on Unsplash

Before I ever laid eyes on Fred, I knew he was a fellow senior. How? I caught a glimpse of his office. Scattered around on the bookshelves that lined his walls were dozens of pairs of black-rimmed plastic reading glasses.

Cheaters — they’re part of our senior plumage. I have a dozen pairs myself that I misplace constantly. I take them off, set them down — and they vanish into thin air. Eventually they reappear. On the coffee table. In my pockets. In a desk drawer.

Once, on top of the birdcage.

How many hours have I spent hunting for reading glasses? All I know is that my current working definition of a senior is “a person who misplaces multiple pairs of cheaters.”

To test this definition, I asked my Facebook pals: How many pair of reading glasses do you own — and how often do you misplace them? Their responses?

I own at least a dozen and can never find any of them. They’re everywhere and nowhere at once!

I have reading glasses in every room in my house and in my purse. And yet I can never find a pair.

I buy them online by the four-pack for seven bucks. They are everydamnwhere.