You Know You’re a Senior When You Own Dozens of Pairs of Reading Glasses

And You Can’t Find Any of Them

Roz Warren, Writing Coach

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Photo by Zhuo Cheng you on Unsplash

Before I ever laid eyes on Fred, I knew he was a fellow senior. How? I caught a glimpse of his office. Scattered around on the bookshelves that lined his walls were dozens of pairs of black-rimmed plastic reading glasses.

Cheaters — they’re part of our senior plumage. I have a dozen pairs myself that I misplace constantly. I take them off, set them down — and they vanish into thin air. Eventually they reappear. On the coffee table. In my pockets. In a desk drawer.

Once, on top of the birdcage.

How many hours have I spent hunting for reading glasses? All I know is that my current working definition of a senior is “a person who misplaces multiple pairs of cheaters.”

To test this definition, I asked my Facebook pals: How many pair of reading glasses do you own — and how often do you misplace them? Their responses?

I own at least a dozen and can never find any of them. They’re everywhere and nowhere at once!

I have reading glasses in every room in my house and in my purse. And yet I can never find a pair.

I buy them online by the four-pack for seven bucks. They are everydamnwhere.

How many do I have? Dozens! Stashed all over the house. But it’s only a matter of time before I lose them all.

Six pairs. One in my car, one by the computer, one in the living room, one in the kitchen and God knows where the others are.

I have five pairs. But I only like one of them.

When my grandmother passed away, we found 37 pairs of reading glasses!

Cheaters, lost and found:

Often when I look for them I find that they’re already on my head.

A pair once fell out of my pocket when I was gardening. Found them again while weeding two weeks later.

Our Bichon likes to carry them off. I’ll occasionally find specs in his bed. One of these days, I expect to come home and find him wearing them.

I once came out of the grocery store and found a pair on top of my parked car. Not sure

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Roz Warren, Writing Coach

Writing Coach and Editor Roz Warren (roSwarren@gmail.com) will help you improve and publish your work.